Friday, 18 November 2011

Year Of The Apottercalypse

I do love the people I work with and their blessed, beloved, utterly inspirational lunacy. On any given day I can be sure to overhear some amazing comments, such as "Wonderful. I'm overcome with emulsion" or "Where are you calling from? You sound like you're in a tin bath or something... Oh, you are?" (Both of these are 100% true, by the way. I don't think I could have made that up if I'd tried)

Therefore when my colleague from Finance leaned over our dividing desk partition and conducted the following conversation, I was already mentally prepared.

Him: Hey.

Me: What?

Him: Did you ever listen to the band 'Busted'?

Me: (suspiciously) I heard them around, but I never really sought after their music. It was a bit too happy for me. Why?

Him: They have this song called "Year 3000". It came on while I was driving to the Borders, and I actually listened to the lyrics for the first time. They're appalling!

Me: I'm not sure that Busted's appeal was their emotive mastery of the English language, but sure, go on.

Him: Okay - the chorus goes "I've been to the year 3000, not much has changed but they live underwater". Um. That's quite a big change, actually. Humans have been living on land for hundreds of thousands of years according to fossil records, so moving to an entirely submerged way of life actually takes some doing. Do we have gills in the year 3000? Are we living in special oxygenated pods under the sea?

Me: I see what you mean. And if that was indeed the case - that we had somehow physiologically adapted to suit our new underwater environment - how did the evolution occur in only 1000 years?

Him: Exactly:

Me: It was probably the government tampering with our DNA. This is a sci-fi film waiting to happen.

Him: It gets worse. The next line is "and your great great great granddaughter is pretty fine." So either science has managed to increase the longevity of human life to such an extent that people have an average lifespan of about 300 years, or the great great great granddaughter in question is about 800 years old herself and has just happened to somehow magically survive all this time passing.

Me: (digesting this with a grave expression) Hmm.

There was a brief pause.

Him: Also, that makes her a G-G-G-GILF. Or GILF 3X, if you will.

Me: GILF 3X sounds much more futuristic. And sexy.

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