Wednesday, 12 March 2014

The Seat Thief

I went to the cinema last weekend with my British friend Wetsoks and my Greek friend Panini, to 'enjoy' the newly released film The Book Thief, adapted from the book by Markus Zusak. I say enjoy because although parts of it were amusing, it was essentially a film about childhood illiteracy, Nazi occupation and (spoiler alert!) a guy living in a basement for a really bloody long time. Oh and it's basically narrated by Death. So it wasn't exactly Fun And Frolics With Kittens 2: The Fluffinator. Nevertheless, we settled down into our seats and prepared to endure the commercials.

Me: Is it true that the Kevin Bacon adverts are gone? I thought the rumours might have been too good to be true.

Wetsoks: They appear to have disappeared but now we've got this animated cinema thing going on.

We watched the animated cinema thing happen for a while.

Me: It's better than bad Bacon... It makes me very sad to put the words "bad" and "bacon" together in any context. Somehow it makes me hate Kevin Bacon even more.

Wetsoks: I was here yesterday by myself, and the cinema was less full than it is right now. You wouldn't believe what happened.

Panini: What?

Wetsoks: Somebody sat right next to me. When there were available seats which were not right next to me.

Me: (appalled) No! Oh my god!

Panini: (laughing) What's the big deal?

Wetsoks: There were available seats. That is a huge and offensive breach of cinema ettiquette. One does not simply encroach on another person's space like that.

Me: How DARE they?

Wetsoks: I know, right? And it wasn't just one person, it was a couple of women. They talked through everything and made plans to meet on Tuesdays because of some cinema deal. So I'm never ever going to the cinema again on a Tuesday. Bastards.

Me: I am genuinely outraged on your behalf. This is unBritish. This is one of the most unBritish things you could possibly do. This is basically as unBritish as Kevin Bacon trying to be British.