Thursday, 10 November 2011

The Half Life Of Sarcasm

I was working steadily through my pile of tasks at work, when I got an email from one of my friends. It escalated, as these things often do, into an entire conversation built on surrealism and in-jokes. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed living it.

Tanyakit: JAEGERBOMB. Want. Need.

Me: Like Jesus turned water into wine, I shall turn Red Bull and Jaegermeister into a JAEGERBOMB! Admittedly it requires less effort but it will get you properly smashed. What brought this on? Before noon? On a Tuesday?

Tanyakit: Just telling a colleague about the last time we had good Jaegerbomb times.

Me: Is there such a thing as a bad Jaegerbomb time? It's my new Goldschlager. It's preferable because it hasn't led me into mischief. Yet.

Tanyakit: It hasn't led you into mischief as I came attached with it.

Me: That's a good point. Usually the Fleetch is present whenever I do something stupid, or the Sarahnator - admittedly she is often an unwilling participant of my chaos - but not you. Hmm.

Tanyakit: I think therefore I am (anti-mischief).

Me: I drink therefore I am (an idiot).

Tanyakit: So, when are we on for Glee this week?

Me: I'm busy Friday, but Saturday works. Let's invite Lord Tubbington round, but only if he's stopped smoking.

Tanyakit: You know what doesn't have an expiration date? Jaegerbombs!

Me: Speaking of expiration dates, you left some of your rage in the fridge last time you were here. Um. It's kind of lumpy now. Do you want me to keep it, or what?

Tanyakit: It's gestating into something more impressive, leave it be. By the way, I heard that people who read the spoilers for this week's episode are pissed.

Me: Why?

Tanyakit: I don't know, I caught something about Kurt wearing a tshirt, while Blaine gets to wear a tank.


Tanyakit: I know. I really don't want to see either of them in a tank. Plus, Kurt isn't really a tank kind of guy.

Me: I'm hoping that's a vehicle rather than a vest - like it's a scene where Blaine drives an actual tank through the side of the Hummels' house and starts shouting odd military euphemisms about his love for Kurt, before the Warblers pop out dressed in khakis and camouflage paint, singing something apt like "Love Is A Battlefield". Oh, Glee, why won't you do the things I wish you would? You make kitty sad.

Tanyakit: I'm almost surprised that the writers haven't thought of that.

Me: We can but hope, cublet. We can but hope.

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