Wetsoks: OMG KITTEN INVASION!?!?!?!
Me: Ahh! What?!
Wetsoks: Two is classified as an invasion, right?
Me: Get the lighter and the spray! Man the boundaries! Do your duty!
Wetsoks: Okay, good plan.
There was a brief pause while I waited anxiously.
Wetsoks: Uh oh.
Me: Sweet baby Jesus, what have you done?
Wetsoks: There are spider guts all over the wall, brah.
Me: Don't use the S word!!! You know how I feel about that.
To read the original recap of why we refer to spiders as kittens, please read this earlier post - http://witandpendulum.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/uninvited-houseguests.html
Wetsoks: I didn't even know that 'kittens' had guts. They do. They're pinkish yellow. In case you wondered.
Me: I never wanted that knowledge. I'll cry forever now. Thanks.
Wetsoks: Sorry buddy! Truthfact!
I waited a couple of minutes to allow her to carry out her mission.
Me: Have you executed the kittens yet?
Wetsoks: Yes, and there are kitten guts all over my wall.
Me: I don't know whether to be happy or sad about that.
Wetsoks: Technically only one left its guts on the wall. I hit the other one real hard with a book I didn't like.
Me: At least you had time to choose your weapon. I almost hate to ask but how big were they?
Wetsoks: I chose this book specifically because I wasn't sure I could touch it again, far less read it. And the kittens were huge. Properly huge.
Me: I need to know my enemy.
Wetsoks: Let me put it like this - there aren't just guts on my wall, or a red mark, there are actual organs.
Here please just put some imaginative expletives in place of what I actually said in response to this, which I am sure was much worse.
Wetsoks: I know, right? They were so big I almost offered them coffee.
Me: I'm going to have to blog about this this. And then weep copiously.
Wetsoks: Why? There aren't any giant kittens in your house, smushed over your furniture and wallpaper.
Me: Yes, but its just a matter of time before they come looking for me.
Wetsoks: Ha! Guess who wrote the book I killed the second one with? Karin Slaughter.
Me: Genius. However, I worry if something happens to me right now and then someone finds my phone, checks the texts, and the last thing they read is something about killing kittens.
Wetsoks: You know who can deal with that? Future you.
Me: Totally. She's great at that stuff.