I've Got To Hand It To You

To say that my friend Wetsoks is rather accident-prone would be a massive understatement. I've watched her achieve things we mere mortals cannot even conceive of - not least of which was bending the laws of physics so that her 2 minute microwavable chips actually burst into flames in the microwave, despite being, y'know, microwavable chips designed solely to be cooked in a microwave. A year later, this particular incident still troubles me and I give my microwave a wide berth when entering the kitchen, just in case.

It's rare that someone can equal me in terms of sheer lack of spatial awareness, but she manages this successfully. The problem is that it comes combined with her ability to bruise and break (which I myself do not possess, being a rubbery sort of otter - despite several attempts by other people/myself/Mother Nature/gravity to induce broken bones, I have yet to succumb) and this has led to various trips to Accident and Emergency for various ailments. Thus it was earlier this week, when I visited her desk to see if she would accompany me to the canteen.

Wetsoks: Ha! It says 'exact change' and I did not in fact give it exact change and yet look! A can of Coke has miraculously appeared! Score!

Me: (staring vaguely at the chocolate vending machine) Mmm. You one, Universe nil.

She reached into the box at the bottom of the machine to retrieve her can, and let out a very soft 'ouch'.

Me: Ready to go?


Wetsoks: Yup.

We spent all day doing our usual busywork, in separate departments, and so it was not until later that evening that we spoke again. Wetsoks text me unexpectedly after dinner.

Wetsoks: Remember this morning in the canteen when I bumped my hand getting my coke?

Me: No. Why?

Wetsoks: The doctor said my finger is "probably broken".

Me: Jesus tits, woman! Probably?!

Wetsoks: Weeeeeell. I could sit in A&E for 6 hours to confirm it, but I like a little mystery in my life.

Me: Don't we all (pinches nose) Did they bandage you up at least?


Wetsoks: My gimpy finger is taped to my middle finger.

Me: Dude, seriously. You only picked up a coke can. How does a person even manage this?

Wetsoks: It's probably fine. You know what will fix it?

Me: I know this is going to sound weird coming from me, but I am not convinced that a good night's sleep is the answer to this one.


Wetsoks: It is! The doctor said so. And it doesn't really hurt, it's just swollen and bruised.

Me: I honestly don't know whether you're an idiot or a total badass. Or both.

Wetsoks: I have a purple line up my knuckle! Body bling! Natural make up!

Me: I see. I have my answer.