To Mars And Beyond

My good friend Wetsoks sent a link to me today. I clicked with some caution, because previous experience has taught me that links my friends send are often not safe for work, not safe for lunch, not safe for otters, and occasionally all of the above. It was to my delight and slight bafflement that I discovered it was a link to the Mars One astronaut application process - see here http://news.yahoo.com/wanted-mars-colonists-explore-red-planet-204754693.html

Me: I actually kind of want to check this out.

Wetsoks: I know, right? The future is now.


Me: "No plans to return the pioneers to Earth" though. No more McDonald's for you, brah. No more Mass Effect. Limited coffee. I'm just saying.

Wetsoks: Yes but we will be beaming people there in 20 years anyway.


Me: No. No, we won't. Sciencefact: no one is getting beamed except your mum.

Wetsoks: I wanna beam YOUR mum.


Me: Sounds like a Blink 182 song.

Wetsoks: I'm going to Mars! All I need is a can do attitude.


Me: I think they're looking for a little more than that. Plus, you know, 8 years of astronaut training.

Wetsoks: I looked at the requirements. I can do them all. Wait, let me do my John Locke impression. DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!


Me: You don't even like people! Or change! Moving to a different planet with three strangers encapsulates two of the things you hate most in the world!

Wetsoks: Yes but I'd have the whole planet to get away from them.


Me: (pinching nose) I... I don't think that's how it works. Anyway, this is like me announcing I'm going to join the army. I technically COULD but I don't like running or mud or obeying authority. And you'd all laugh at me. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Wetsoks: Do you see where I'm going? TO MARS.

Me: (*sigh*) Very well.

There was a brief pause.

Wetsoks: What do you reckon the wifi is like up there? Like... three bars? Two?

Me:....Goddamn it.