Friday, 15 July 2011

Alot of Blogging

I'm a huge fan of Hyperbole and a Half's blog. Every time I read her posts, I find myself in helpless, hysterical giggling fits. If you've never visited, I encourage you to do so now. I have already introduced thous-... hundr-... okay, tens of people to this wonderful world. I'll start you off with this post, which features a special animal called the Alot (found here Go on. I'll wait til you're done. No, honestly, it's fine. I'll sit here for a moment until you come back.

Done? Okay. Let's move on. My friends and I are fairly obsessed with the Alot at the moment. Of course, Hyperbole and a Half has gone into some details with such notable creatures as Alot of Fire and Alot of Beer Cans, but I feel like she has missed  a few very important inclusions in the Alot community. For instance, Alot of Cheese (which happens to be a great thing however you look at it) which I imagine could be carved up like an animal. In the same way that a cow can be cut up for rump steaks, sirloin steaks, mince, tongue and so forth, I believe Alot of Cheese would have a Brie mouth, cheddary legs and delicious soft innards made of Camembert. I'd love to do a diagram but I don't want to infringe on copyright as Hyperbole has a book out now (it's a proper one, with pages and everything. It'd make a great birthday present. I'm just saying. I'm a pimp otter, you know that). The Alot of Cheese is an shy and elusive creature, what with being so stupidly tasty and all, so they are rarely seen in the wild.

A day in the life of an Alot must be a frustrating thing. People are always addressing it, which must be the pet hate of any Alot. Consider how many times in a day you disrupt an unsuspecting Alot from its thoughts by saying such trivial sentences as "I like this, Alot" and "This costs, Alot" and "Have you noticed Steve drinks, Alot?" The Alot is like the Honey Badger - it does not care. The Alot does not give a damn what you like or how much the milk costs, and frankly it thinks that you should keep your mouth shut where Steve is concerned because you're no stranger to alcohol yourself and he's been having a hard time lately. We always imagine that the Alot responds sulkily, annoyed by the constant interruptions.

Many Alots are delightful creatures. The Alot of Happiness frisks around gaily like a baby deer in springtime, sneezing glittery joyflakes over the world, while the Alot of Dancing can usually be found at parties, getting down with its bad self. But not all Alots are nice. The Alot of Wires is a particularly tricky beast, and the most likely to anger you. It spontaneously assembles whenever two or more cables (regardless of type, length or usage - cables are clearly the dirty whores of the wiring world) are within a few feet of each other, and no human is in view. The trouble with this, while admittedly it can make for a great photo (coming soon provided by an otter near you) is that the Alot, once formed, is stubborn about reverting back to mere individual cables. It is the wire equivalent of forcing apart molecules, except much, much more difficult.

I suspect this post has basically been a massive fangirl wankathon, but I do genuinely adore Hyperbole and a Half, and aspire to be like her. Unfortunately my MS Paint skills are not helped by my shaky hands and lack of creative flair. I prefer making things out of clay, like this Tonberry:

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