Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Two Can Keep A Secret (If One Of Them Is An Otter)

My friend Wetsoks is a very special person. Her bedroom is full of Harry Potter memorabilia, zombie survival kit items (some of which this Otternator purchased, during a spree at Amazon, figuring that it might get me brownie points or at least shotgun seat in the car when the inevitable apocalypse actually happens) and a crazy, crazy amount of pills. Don't get me wrong, they're all relatively safe and were prescribed or legally purchased at one point or another, but it blows my mind - as a person who owns approximately one pack of paracetamol at any given time and can never find it when needed - that she has literally drawers full of various tablets, pills and other medication.

Some of these she takes for her back pain (see previous postings for descriptions of said pain) and some she keeps, according to her, for various reasons, up to and including being able to run a black market pharmacy during said apocalypse.

Me: So, at the Taste festival last weekend, I saw a really cute barbecue

Wetsoks: Cuteness is not the point of a barbecue.

Me: Well if you need a portable device to grill meat, I find it nice to be able to choose from a range of pretty pastel colours.

Wetsoks rolled her eyes at me.

Wetsoks: I saw one on I Want One Of Those which folded up into a briefcase. That was cool. You know, when I had the car, I used to keep a bag of stuff in the back in case I ever needed to leave or was stuck anywhere.

Me: Oh yeah? What kind of stuff?

Wetsoks: Like.. a clean set of clothes, a shovel, an extra pair of shoes, um-

I looked at her with unease.

Wetsoks: (ticking things off on her fingers) - a first aid kit, some black bin bags, lighter fluid...

Me: (horrified) That's a murderer's bag!

Wetsoks: What?! No it isn't! I also had some of these pills. And, er, plastic cutlery.

Me: Then it's a cannibal's murder bag.

Wetsoks: (sulkily) It wasn't a murder bag, goddammit.

Me: Buddy. That's... messed up. I can't believe you had a murder bag.

Wetsoks: It was all stuff I couldn't live without!

Me: I genuinely have nothing more to say to that.

By the way, check out I Want One Of Those. It's full of pretty cool stuff, although you'll have to put together your own murder bag. http://www.iwantoneofthose.com

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