Saturday, 23 April 2011

Kill Bill, Not Kittens

Other Half and I were watching Kill Bill last night. It's one of the few films of the last 10 years that I really admire. It has comedy, action and drama. It has what might well be, in my opinion, the most beautiful fight scene ever, in a snowy garden with oddly-chosen but perfectly-fitting music by Santa Esmerelda playing over it. I knew Other Half had seen Kill Bill once before, so when (in the first ten seconds) Uma Thurman got shot in the head, she turned to me with an impatient expression, I knew this was going to be an annoying conversation.

Other Half: What happens? Why did he shoot her?

Me: Just watch the film. That's the whole point. They'll tell you what happened over the course of the next two hours. In story format.

Other Half: But I've seen it before.

Me: Then you should remember:

Other Half: Just tell me!

I ended up giving her a brief summary of the film, to shut her up, which seemed to satisfy her and she settled down quietly. However, once we got to the part which showed O-Ren Ishii's assistant Sophie talking on the phone, Other Half cracked.

Other Half: Wait, so... Uma Thurman got shot 4 years ago, right?

Me: (wondering where this is going) Yes?

Other Half: And she (pointing at Sophie onscreen) was there, right?

Me: Yes?

Other Half: Are we supposed to believe this woman hasn't changed her ringtone in 4 years?

Me: (gaping in disbelief) Uma Thurman got shot in the head, survived, woke up from her coma, escaped from a hospital without anyone noticing and taught herself to walk again after only 13 hours, before going on a vicious killing rampage and you found the ringtone thing unbelievable?

Other Half: Well, yes.

Me:(nodding thoughtfully) ...Well noticed..

After the film, I tried to reach over Other Half to put Kill Bill 2 on. She was holding a glass of juice and  purposefully not moving, which made the whole operation much more dangerous.

Other Half: Don't do that.

Me:(grinning and reaching anyway)

Other Half: Seriously. Don't.

Me: (reaching)

Other Half: (clutching the juice carefully) Children will die. Five children, to be exact.

I continue to reach.

Other Half: And a puppy. Hmm? Five poor defenceless children and one innocent puppy. Do you want that on your conscience?

I pause, consider and then continue to reach.

Other Half: And two kittens. WHO ARE IN LOVE.

I rear back instantly, horrified.

Me: How could you say such awful things?

Other Half: It is truly disturbing that you didn't stop before now. Really? Kittens in love is your limit?

Me: Everyone has boundaries. Even me.

In summary, make love not war, and kill Bill, not kittens. These are slogans  we could all live by in future.

3 comments:

  1. Love the "Kill Bill" series. They're all done so well. The winter garden fight scene is one of the most amazing, as well as the restaurant fight scene, and I'm not a blood and guts type of gal.

    I'm afraid to say but I'm Other Half in this household. : ) What was up with the ringtone?

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  2. Hi Lauren, and thanks for commenting! I'm not much for blood and guts myself, but I will happily watch Tarentino films over and over because they are so enjoyable.

    Other Half and I eventually decided that the ringtone must have been set to a specific person, or to the Japanese Mafia Help Hotline, otherwise it just wouldn't make any sense :)

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  3. hi, nice to meet you.
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