Holding Out For An Otter

I really have nothing to say that could adequately preface this post. I think it speaks for itself. I also love that my friends indulge my daily insanity.

From: Otternator
To: Wetsoks

Buddy. I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero until the end of the night, and I have several specifications he should adhere to in order to attain the position.

Thanks.



From: Wetsoks
To: Otternator

Hi,

Thanks for your request. Do you have a full job spec for this role?

Kind regards.



From: Otternator
To: Wetsoks
Cc: Cublet

Thanks, please find list below.

1. Strong
2. Fast.
3. Fresh from a fight (might be negotiable since am aware this may be more difficult)
4. Sure
5. Larger than life.

Basically we're looking for some sort of superman who can sweep me off my feet. Ideally we're looking to get this position filled asap.




From: Cublet
To: Otternator

I don't think you should negotiate on the "fresh from a fight" aspect - demonstrates physical prowess and ability to protect lesser members of the team


From: Otternator
To: Cublet


Fighting skills are indeed necessary for the role, however I don't believe that it is legal to request that the candidate is fresh from assaulting another human in order to proceed to the next stage.


From: Cublet
To: Otternator


I'd go one further and suggest that they should be holding the severed head of their opponent. It'll separate the wheat from the chaff.


From: Otternator
To: Wetsoks
Cc: Cublet

Hi - please see attached email containing project manager's advice. Severed head desirable, candidate should bring with them to first interview.


From: Wetsoks
To: Otternator


I will keep this information in mind when reading CVs - however must add that given today's priorities, your role is 36th in line to be processed.


From: Otternator
To: Wetsoks


This is totally unacceptable (and I will be addressing the issue with your manager once she's finishing dragging down her IQ points by reading poorly-disguised Twilight fanfiction, masquerading as real books) as you well know I am seeking someone for this position by the end of the night.


From: Wetsok
To: Otternator


Good luck with that.