Mighty Morphin Power Otters

My friends Cublet, Sarahnator and Wetsoks went to London last weekend to visit the Harry Potter studios (which they described as, amongst other gushing praise, a "magical experience") and brought me back an otter handpuppet, which might well be the greatest gift anyone has ever bought me - excepting of course the singing Justin Bieber toothbrush. I am amassing quite a nice collection of otter toys, and even given that my 27th birthday is fast approaching, I see no reason to stop this. During their trip to Harry Potter studios, Wetsoks and Cublet discovered what I can only reasonably refer to as 'Lucius Malfoy's Pimp Cane, You Know, The One He Has In The Films That Looks Totally Badass'. I'm going to assume you all know what I'm referring to. The below conversation requires you to keep the Pimp Cane in mind, as well as have a rudimentary knowledge of children's television from the 90s.


Me: Thanks for the otter handpuppet, guys. You rock! I haven't named him yet, but I'm thinking maybe King Fluffy the Third, or The Hulking Judginator, or Steven, or something.

Cublet: There is a surprising lack of otters in shops. You almost got a seal. Thankfully I pointed out the difference between seal flippers and what otter feet look like. Not sure what this says about our friends and their anatomical knowledge of animals, or possibly the quality of toys these days.

Me: Yes, there is a worrying merge in the seal/otter toy department. I noticed this previously and thought maybe it was just me. Even though the internet has promoted a love of otters in recent years, it seems that designers have not quite cottoned on to the idea.

Cublet: Are we on for our Glee catch up on Friday, by the way? It's a special cubter activity. Get it? Like Cublet merging with Otter?

Me: Cubter, activate! I imagine that we’re making like a Power Rangers figure by standing in front of each other awkwardly and kind of leaning, like that time you were in my parka with me.

Cublet: OMG - that should be our Power Rangers move—zipping into one parka…!

Me: Yes! Genius. Can we somehow include the pimp cane? SO HAPPY.

Cublet: Totally. We hold the pimp cane: you at either end, me in the middle (not yet sure how this will work with the zip as my hands really need to reach out from there). So we have the might of 2 pairs of uncoordinated!hands. That’s twice as many as normal. And four times the lack of co-ordination. Stand aside, Batman…there’s a new hero(es) in town…

Wetsoks: I thought it was Transformers who joined together?

Me: Wetsoks, I’m appalled, and feel like I don’t even know you anymore. Cublet, that’s a good idea re: the pimp cane. We can work out the fine details (read: actual logistics) later when we actually have it. I think this could become an awesome webseries, or at least a series of horrific Facebook photos…

Wetsoks: Sorry but I’m super busy.

Me: Busy like a Power Ranger?

Wetsoks: Yes. But not the pussy pink one.

Me: SHE WAS MY F***ING FAVOURITE, BITCH.

Wetsoks: Mediocre.

Me: Take that back!

Wetsoks: Name one thing that made her stand out from the other 4 or 5, or however the hell many of them there were?

Me: She did gymnastics, you bastard. OH MY GOD, YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THE FIRST GENERATION NAMES!

Wetsoks: They were just another Steps - only instead of singing and dancing they did karate and bad acting

I’ll end this here, because at this point I was reduced to raging incoherently without using many words one could appropriately use, say, before the watershed in hell. I hope that those of you who watched the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers can sympathise and remember it fondly, even if it was totally plotless and exactly the same thing happened in every single episode.