I dropped into the Sloth's workplace today to say hello on my journey to my own workplace, and to get a coffee. When I got on the bus, holding my lidded beverage in full view of the driver, he chose to bark brusquely at me - "I'm going to ignore that coffee!"
I chose not to respond to this, but it wasn't until I'd sat down that I realised how ridiculous a statement that really was. I relayed the conversation to my friend Wetsoks as follows:
Me: It's stupid. You can't ignore something you acknowledged in the first place. By his own admission he already failed. Who wins here? Me. Because I have coffee.
Wetsoks: (horrified) You can't take drinks on the bus!
Me: Your tone suggests I've done something much worse, like strangling baby animals or something. It's just coffee. I'm a grown woman, I can handle a lidded beverage without spilling, and even if I do spill, I make sure to spill on myself. Like an adult.
Wetsoks: But those are the RULES on the pictographs on the bus! You can't just break rules like that!
Me: Dude, you were in prison. I'm finding this adherence to rules both hypocritical and hilarious.
Wetsoks: Yeah but... only because I told on myself.
Me: Which is commendable. In fairness, not that I am comparing your prison sentence with me being chastised by a bus driver, I was holding my coffee in full view. He could have said no and ordered me off the bus, and that would have been fine. I just won't stand for this passive aggressive bullshit.
Wetsoks: Lol. Really?
Me: Yes. I'm the long run I'm helping him to Be Assertive, or at least Not A Coffee-Hating Prick.
Wetsoks: I see.